Stirring words Somehow…

The following is an excerpt from The Brothers Karamazov.  It’s one of those parts in a book that you know is really important.  It moves you, but you aren’t quite sure exactly what it means.  Mitya has just been up all night being interrogated for the murder of his father, which he has denied.  He falls asleep as the paperwork is being finalized, and has a dream.  He is riding in a sleigh through the countryside, and he sees a group of sickly peasant women in the distance standing amidst their burnt village.  One is holding a crying baby.

*****

“Why are they crying? Why are they crying?” Mitya asks, flying past them at a great clip.

“The wee one,” the driver answers, “it’s the wee one crying.” And Mitya is struck that he has said it in his own peasant way: “the wee one,” and not “the baby.” And he likes it that the peasant has said “the wee one”: there seems to be more pity in it.

“But why is it crying?” Mitya insists, as if he were foolish, “why are its little arms bare, why don’t they wrap it up?”

“The wee one’s cold, its clothes are frozen, they don’t keep it warm.”

“But why is it so? Why?” foolish Mitya would not leave off.

“They’re poor, burn out, they’ve got not bread, they’re begging for their burnt-down place.”

“No, no,” Mitya still seems to not understand, “tell me: why are these burnt-out mothers standing here, why are the people poor, why is the wee one poor, why is the steppe bare, why don’t they embrace and kiss, why don’t they sing joyful songs, why are they blackened with such misery, why don’t they feed the wee one?”

And he feels within himself that, though his questions have no reason or sense, he still certainly wants to ask in just that way, and he should ask in just that way.  And he also feels a tenderness such as he has never known before surging up in his heart, he wants to weep, he wants to do something for them all, so that the wee one will no longer cry, so that the blackened, dried-up mother of the wee one will not cry either, so that there will be no more tears in anyone from that moment on, and it must be done at once, at once, without delay and despite everything, with all his Karamazov unrestraint.

*****

I don’t know how to react to that.  Of course if you haven’t read the book, it would be hard to understand it out of context.  But I think the dream itself can mean something.  If not mean something, then cause the reader to be moved by something.

Break this tired old Routine

What I’ve been up to lately:

• Cigars.
• World Cup.
• The Ginger Man. (St. Arnold’s of course)
• KXT/Josh Ritter.
• Mad Men.
• The Brothers Karamazov.
• The Holiness of God. (Sproul)
• Toy Story 3.
• Get Him to the Greek.
• 500 Days of Summer.

I find bullet points to be a better way for me to explain what I’ve been up to.  No need for the details.  Of course I should probably explain a few things and how they all run together.

My brother (Matthew) and I have been hanging out a lot recently whilst smoking cigars and watching the world cup.  We’ve decided that the best place to do this on the upstairs patio of the Ginger Man in Uptown Dallas.  It is covered, fans, and has the game on.  The problem…it’s not exactly close.  Nevertheless, we’ve made the trek two times in the past week for the first Brazil game and for the Cameroon vs. Denmark game.  Since I am not of age to partake in alcohol, I partook in St. Arnold’s Root Beer which is particularly delicious.
One day last week, Matthew and I got to go to KXT radio station and hear Josh Ritter play a handful of songs that was going to be broadcast later on.  Really, really cool.  The guy is talented and very handsome I must say.  Plus…it was free! And they provided lunch.  I got tickets from a FB contest…only 11 other people got drawn.  Cool day.
In between these times, I’ve been doing a mix of watching Mad Men and reading the Brothers Karamazov.  I’m on season three of MM, attempting to be done by the time season 4 starts on AMC July 25.  Brothers K is a task I’ve set myself to the second summer in a row.  My brother Jonathan has encouraged me to get the translation by Pevear and Volokhonsky, because it has been reviewed as the most faithful to the original style of Dostoevsky.  I am pleased so far (500 pages in…)  Audrey Waggoner is attempting this feat as well…I’m pretty sure she’s ahead of me.
The Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul was a book that was given to everybody on leadership at First Woodway this past year.  Brent Nine, Ben Jones, and I are reading throughout this summer so that we have something sanctifying to do together.  And because we have nothing else to do.  Been good so far.  Two chapters in.
And last but not least (well probably least) I’ve seen three-ish movies within the past week or so.  Those would be the last three bullet points.  The last one I had seen already, and appreciated even more the second time around. Why? That’s another blog post TBD.

This a video of the Avett Brothers doing a desk concert at NPR.  The first song is called Laundry Room, and if you don’t start tapping your foot or nodding your head at the 4:48 mark then you should throw away your iPod.  I don’t know what other songs they do after that…just wanted that one song. Happy listening.

Deepest Longings…?

Tonight I watched a movie called “The Young Victoria”.  Great little movie about Queen Victoria of England when she first took the throne, which involves her relationship with Prince Albert whom she ends up marrying (not really a spoiler since it’s history).  Anyways, it wasn’t a typical love story in that it was not all about the love story, but more to do with her role as a new, young queen…hence the title THE Young Victoria.

All this aside, I do want to focus on the love story part of the movie.  I’m sure that this movie was no different than any other in terms of love story, but this one had a bigger effect on me than say…any other Romantic Drama.  Maybe it was because of my brother’s wedding this past weekend…I don’t know.  Spurs my sentimental side I guess.

I was all about this movie…I talked about it on facebook, downloaded the album (illegally…), and thought about why I liked it so much.  But then…my heart was a bit heavy.  Because…I mean…why did I like it?   Why do we get caught up in love stories that are so far from reality?  I mean…this was about a Queen and a Prince getting married…despite all the obstacles.  Not really something I could relate to.  But…I mean the falling in love part…I think any person can relate to that.  Why are we so drawn to that?

I  was sitting on my patio after everyone had gone to bad…smoking a pipe (I’m cool), and it kinda hit me–Man that is such a worldly perception of love.  I am so deceived.  That is not reality, and even if it were….that’s the world.  That love fades…that love passes away.

What about God’s love?  What about the gospel?  Why is my heart not moved by Titus 2:11-14 like it was by that movie?  I was kinda sickened by my desire for that love.  Not that wanting that is in and of it self evil, but to want that more than the Love of God… that is sin.

So I don’t know where that leaves me…In my searching I could only really settle on Matthew 22:35-40.

And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

(ESV)

The ESV study bible had this to add:

The kingdom life that Jesus initiated—summarized in these two commandments—fulfills the deepest longings of human beings created in the image of God to display his glory.

Losing love is like a window in your heart

In my recent music conversations with my oldest brother, I have come across an artist that has really struck me: The Tallest Man on Earth.  Some have monikered this mustached Scandinavian (Kristian Matsson) the next Bob Dylan, which I think is kind of an overstatement given to multiple people.  It does however give you sense to the kind of feeling his music will leave you with.  What really got me hooked was a cover he did of Paul Simon’s “Graceland”.  This song is considered one of the best songs of all time, but I never really understood why.  It seemed almost emotionless, and I almost seemed to hear the pop-iness and not even hear the lyrics.  Needless to say it was not one of my favorite Paul Simon songs. The way that the T.M.O.E. sings this song really caught me off guard.  I’m not gonna lie, I’ve listened to it about a dozen+ times in the past week and I love it.  I think he is able to get the emotions and feeling out that Paul Simon wasn’t able to.  Just another reason for me to love the Tallest Man on Earth.  His cover of Graceland and his mustache.  Listen to both versions below:

The Tallest Man on Earth – Graceland (Paul Simon Cover)
Paul Simon – Graceland

And if you actually care, La Blogotheque did a great Take Away show of him last year…worth a watch.

summertime

I’ve been looking forward to summer for a long time.  It has been a while since I’ve been able to be at home for more than a three or four week break, considering I was gone most of last summer in Iraq.

Alas, summertime has come.  I have been looking forward to this summer for a few reasons…1) 8 hours of sleep per night 2) no papers 3) time to do whatever/whenever
3)a) readreadread – Audrey Waggoner and I are attempting to read the Brothers Karamazov, and I want to read through some Piper and other sanctifying literature.

I’ve contended to pursue the Lord with much more intentionality this summer compared to summers past.  I think this is a typical and really forgettable goal for summer.  I usually start out strong and die out.  I get lost in my own indolence, sin, and straight up disobedience.  I end up in a muck, and find myself desperately wanting school to begin again so that I have some sort of schedule to keep me in check.

I didn’t want the summer of 2010 to be another failed attempt to redeem the months of May through August.  I’ve dwelt and reflected on a few things that I think might help to make 2010 be different than 20fail…

• Know yourself.  Know your sin.  I know Satan wants me to lose this summer, and he will attack me in every way he knows.  Therefore I don’t want to leave myself open to temptation.  I go to bed and read when my family goes to bed.  I don’t need to surf the interent/TV when I’m bored.  Read scripture.  Read Dostoevsky!
• Have some sort of attainable goal.  This may include setting up some sort of schedule in which I make time to spend with the Lord.  I don’t have a lot going on this summer, but a lot of people do.  Fight for that time.
• I have said and heard people talk about wanting to take opportunities to grow.  Usually this comes after missing these opportunities.  What do opportunities to grow look like?  How can we seek things that sanctify?  Good question.  One of the things I want to see in my own life this summer is heart growth and not outward growth.  I want to seek opportunities for the Holy Spirit to grow my heart…to sanctify me in ways that stretches and pulls my heart.  I’ve decided that prayer and scripture are absolutely essential to growth.  These disciplines are invaluable.  These disciplines themselves are not what sanctifies, but they are opportunities in which the Holy Spirit can grab a hold on our hearts.
• What stirs your affections for Christ?  Being outside? Getting up early?  Hiking?  Whatever it is, pursue the things that are going to increase your desire for Jesus.  Pursue these things intensely and intentionally.
• I know that community is hard to find during the summer, what does that look like when we are back home? How are we serving?  It’s easy to not partake in either of those things when I come back home.  My church lacks a college ministry like the one I have in Waco, and it’s hard to come back and get plugged-in in an intimate way.

I am not a blog guy.  I’m not good at it, and I promise you (whoever is reading this) that I’m not preaching at you.  This is really a selfish thing for me, because it allows me to put all this stuff in my head into words.  Something for me to come back to this summer when I fall of the path.  So, I figured it’d be less selfish to share it with people.  Plus I could look cool and come up with clever names for a blog.

Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this, find it helpful, or whatever.  One question I kept myself asking tonight was what are opportunities we can seek to grow this summer?  I came up with the cop out answers of scripture and prayer.  What do you guys think?

Halabja

Okay, I know I’m a bad blogger.  I’m adding a link to a post by one of the people I’ve been working with who seems to find the words I can never say.  Pretty interesting, and it is also a good insight into the few hours we spent in this city.  Here it is.

Psalm 119:25-32

It’s funny how you can be half way across the world and still think that you can live each day on your own.  Recently I’ve been bothered by my utter negligence of the scripture.  How can I hold God’s word as a treasure in my heart, but seldom open it to read and meditate?  What makes me even more frustrated, is when I realize this but make no change in my life.  I know that scripture is one of the most valuable things that any Christian can have, so why do I treat it so nonchalantly?  About half way through the summer I realized that if I wanted to be the man that God wanted me to be and if I wanted to get through these next two years of college, then I would need to have a desperate dependence upon the Word of God.  I was so set on doing that, and this summer has been a poor example of it.

I took some time to read and pray today, and I stumbled upon this Psalm.  It’s funny how we often flee to the Psalms when we’re feeling lost and hopeless.  I’m thankful for them because they often show us things that we know ourselves but need help remembering.

25 My soul clings to the dust;
give me life according to your word!
26 When I told of my ways, you answered me;
teach me your statutes!
27 Make me understand the way of your precepts,
and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
28 My soul melts away for sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word!
29 Put false ways far from me
and graciously teach me your law!
30 I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
I set your rules before me.
31 I cling to your testimonies, O Lord;
let me not be put to shame!
32 I will run in the way of your commandments
when you enlarge my heart!

Psalm 119:25-32

The Kurds

I’ve been told that I need to start writing more.  I don’t know if that will happen, but this is my attempt to start.  I was wondering what I could write about that would be interesting to people, and I figured that I could share about the little everyday things.  Things that are probably weird and shocking, but by now have become daily life for me.

Iraq is obviously a war torn country.  Whenever it wasn’t engaged in war with other countries, it was being oppressed by it’s own leader.  The Kurds received a lot of persecution at the hand of Sadaam Hussein.  To this day, they are continuing to find mass graves in Iraq.  Just recently there was a mass grave found in southern Iraq full of Kurds.  They were taken by the truck load from their homes in northern Iraq and taken south.   They found the remains of people who were still holding things in their hands, like a child holding her doll.  They were buried alive.  There is a park in Sulaymaniyah called Parki Azadi (“Freedom Park”) which was the site of mass grave as well.  These people have lived with oppression and death almost all their lives.  Some of the most saddening and infamous atrocities that Sadaam inflicted upon the Kurds took place in Halabja.  5ooo+ people were killed in a few sort hours as a result of a chemical attack upon the city.

Things are different today.  They are still minorities in their own country, but they have freedom from oppression and the ability to basically rule themselves (at least in Iraq).  There are still scars of the past ingrained into the people unfortunately.  They have been oppressed so long and so much that they have an utter resentment of all Arabs.  A lot of the Kurds I have met will often times refuse to speak Arabic because of their hate, even though they know it.  One can’t blame them because of all that happened to them at Arabs’ hands, but it is said to see such a bitter hate.

One interesting sight of life here is the presence of military forces within the city.  There are Patriotic Union of Kurdistan (PUK) guards inside the city and Peshmerga (Kurdish Military) at checkpoints outside the city.  You would think that seeing men hold AK-47s like they were an accessory would freak me out, but to be honest it has become normal to me.

Please ask if you would like to hear about any specific thing!  Food…transportation…villages…or stories about how I accidentally hiked into Iran.

Northern Iraq Elections

This is a blog post by one of the PLC workers (aka Boss) Scott. Thought some of you might be interested in this, and to know what exactly elections here means.

http://followingtheway.net/wp/2009/06/25/big-election-coming-up-in-krg/

Kurdish Picnics

Last Friday we were invited to a picnic by a local NGO (non governmental organization) called Kurdistan Save the Children (KSC).  We work closely with them in monitering the number of children in Sulaymaniyah who have heart problems.  In order to better understand the cultural implications of this post, you must understand what a Kurdish picnic is.  More often than not, all picnics take place on Fridays, which is the day that no one goes to work.  These picnics are all day affairs, and believe me…all day.  It is more like camping for a day than going on a picnic.  Our story begins with us heading out in five Nissan Patrols (the most driven car in Iraq) at 8 am.  We drive out past the city and into the mountains that surround it.  Driving in Iraq is an experience I’m not sure you’ll ever see any where else.  There are basically no laws or rules to drive…as long as you don’t hurt any body too bad you are fine.  This particular morning was pretty dusty, but the sun was still coming through it all.  Imagine a dirty fog, and that is the sort of haze that is over the city and mountains.  As we drive up the roads in the mountains, our driver will pass other cars at high speeds as we are going around a corner in which you cannot see oncoming traffic.  This was an interesting experience, and to make things more comfortable, there are no guard rails; just the mountainside.  ((As a side note…the lady we are living with said that people dying as a result of falling off the mountain is actually a problem here.  Consider yourself blessed as you are winding through Yosemite National Park at a staggering speed of 15 mph…a little bit of a switch from my last summer))

We made it to our picnic grounds around 9:45 or 10:00.  It was actually surprisingly beautiful.  There was a river in which you could swim, mountains to climb, and a rocky beach for us to picnic on.  I was pretty excited when we got there.  Then the inner college stupidity in me was released.  I was about half way up a steep, gravelly hill.  I wanted to go back down, and I figured it would be fairly safe and fun to run down it.  I was doing pretty good until I got to the bottom, and then I realized I couldn’t stop.  AND…there was a huge rock boulder.  Needless to say I basically ran into a boulder.  I banged up my legs, and took a bit of a tumble.  This basically handicapped me from participating in the real hikes that took place later that day.  It was okay though.  I got relax with a bunch of Kurds.  We had rice, giant tortilla type bread, and all the skewered beef/chicken I could eat.

We passed the time by throwing a frisbee (my idea), looking for frogs, and playing the longest session of 20 questions ever.  We ended up leaving the area around 7:30.  That is what a picnic is in Kurdistan…an almost 12 hour excursion that feels more like a camping trip.

I’ve put more photos on facebook if you want to check those out.  I’ll be back soon to keep you updated on life here.  Hope to see all of you in five weeks.